Substance Found In White House Was Cocaine

The "unknown item" in the White House about which reports emerged over the weekend turned out to be exactly what we knew it was all along.

Hunter Biden has access to the White House, after all.

The white substance that was found in the West Wing of the White House has been confirmed as cocaine.

"We have a yellow bar stating cocaine hydrochloride," the now infamous radio communication by a D.C. firefighter stated.

Initial dispatch reported that the white, powdery substance was found in the White House library on the ground floor of the premises.

It probably wasn't Joe Biden's, as evidenced by his sloth-like energy levels and the fact that he was at Camp David at the time of the incident.

The most obvious suspect, Joe's son Hunter, known for his "past" crack cocaine addiction, was also at Camp David when the substance was found.

How do you think it got there?

Let us know in the comments below.